Vent

Woahoaho. In order to avoid myself from breaking down, I've decided to make this blog an escape vent of all my raging emotions. By observation, my counter (:D) tells me that there's not much people visiting my blog that I conclude that it's pretty safe (at least for me) to post some personal experiences and personal stuff. Although I would be coding names and telling in a, somehow, riddle, or, oh God, just a little odd. And now, I somehow resolved an emotional turmoil, and I would want to vent it out, to share it to you...

It's just last night when I was told that a rumor about me and my past was secretly widespread over the batch. I don't know why but I flared up. My ears got red hot. I've felt it. But maybe it's because of the feeling of betrayal; because something about me that is not true is talked about behind my back. Maybe because some people would be angry at me. The effect to me was devastating. I almost didn't do my homeworks because I felt drained after about an hour of thinking about the issue. Until I woke up this morning, I can feel the heaviness of my heart, constantly hoping the world would end in a minute. But no, life proceeds and I still prepared and went to school. While preparing, I'm constantly trying to find reasons and excuses to be angry, but at my utmost common sense, I found nothing. I examined my conscience and I know I'm clean of propagating that rumor. And so, I only realized that there's nothing to be angry about. As I said, I'm clear. God forbid what they think but I know I'm clear. So at the end of the day, fortunately, I found a way to laugh it all away.

So that's it. As the title of this post, I'm releasing other thoughts that I have in mind over the past weeks.

First, I'm really, really worried and afraid that I wont be able to maintain my grade from the first quarter. I mean I'm slouching of. Oh God, don't you know what I feel and what I'm going through right now. I'll just shortly narrate to you why this is happening. It all started last year, 2nd year. I'm not saying I forsake that year but I loved it and am thankful of it. 2nd year, as they say, is the hardest year here in Philippine Science High School. Not in terms of what we studied, but the requirement load. It's proven because I experienced it myself. We had as much as 14 subjects (I think it's more) for, if my memory serves me right, 13.5 units. That year is really very hard especially on those times that requirements pile up before the periodic tests. Now, that year really released the potential of an real student in me. That year pushed me to the brink of my sane mind by constantly pumping me with pressure from requirements. That pressure was dramatically released this year. At the dawn of third year, I still had the potential. With a staggering difference in terms of requirements, the potential invested in me a very good grade for the first quarter. I slouched that quarter, what more this quarter? I'm afraid that I will be confident about those good grades that a high tendency of lazying of is very present. And I think that's already happening. Oh no!!! Oh God please help me!

I hope you understood me. That's just me, spraying words. I really don't know how to express my feelings. Sorry about that. Anyway, Expect more of these posts next time.