Repent

SEE?! I could not maintain a blog. Now I'm writing again because of the urge of requirement fulfilment. AAARGGHHHH... so angry at myself.

I don't know why but I really do want to blog but I just don't have enough motivation to post. See this problem with me? I'm lazy. Most of the time I do things not so useful. I open the computer, open the browser, then search for useless things. It stays like that for up to 3 plus hours. Maybe I'm just not tasting the juices of life.

But anyway, many happened since my last post, last September 13. Now it's October 10. Our periodic tests just ended. Oh by the way, our school just burned, last week. Tuesday. The supposedly start of the periodic exams of the second quarter. It went like this, I woke up in the morning with a falling confidence because I haven't really studied that much for chem. Chem was to be the very first test. When my parents woke me up, I answered, but refused to go up the bed. Just as I was about to fall asleep again, my mother suddenly shouted "Yung Philippine Science nasunog!". Energy sort of went through me like a thunder. I quickly got up and went to the kitchen where the radio is always on in the morning. "Sigurado ka po?!" said, half excited, half in disbelief as I examined that may it was a false alarm or just my mom overhearing another school's fire. But way deep in me, a very very little piece of clairvoyance, tells me that this is absolutely true. But nevertheless, I prepared and went to school. And there it was. Posted on the narrow iron gate, probably written in shock and awe, NO CLASSES today. Because of the earlier news, I wasn't surprised.

So I came home. Ruminating over this, the tiny clairvoyant me rang its bells again and told me of a feeling so sure that the whole week would be dropped off. I was right. The next day, the week suspension was confirmed. I haven't rejoiced. I know I will be once again in the hell of indolence. I especially hate doing nothing. While that's so true, I, most of all, hate knowing I'm not going to be able to do something. That's pretty hell for me. An idle state of being degrades my brain by shutting my scientific and logical self and instead turning on my autistic side. But that's still wrong! My brain's scientific and logical prowess turns to serve my autistic side. By this, I tend to notice and analyze the most odd of things to be noticed. An example is a faded blotch in our vinyl tiles. My head would ache, arguing with myself the causes of that fading, what happened to the molecules, etc etc. And hell the suspensions were! My routine would be wake up, watch tv, sit in front of computer, eat, sleep; then the whole process starts again.

I somehow survived and then this week came. What a weird week. Last Sunday I awarded myself with a ultra long bath time that lasted for well over an hour, because of a fulfilled major requirement submission. Would you believe it? I immediately contracted another strain from the 54 strains of the colds virus and up to now, this moment, I'm suffering from it. I woke up last Monday with an awful headache. God so awful. My head was feeling so heavy. My neck also aches because of my lymph nodes swelling because of immunity warring the virus. My back felt really weird.

Because of room shortage because the main building was restricted, the periodic exams were taken by batches. And we, third years were scheduled in the afternoon. So I had the whole morning to let my conditions worsen. Very lucky. Maybe you already inferred. I took the exams burning. The curse of the school was brought to me. But look at that, I got a 40/45 score in the chem test!

That Monday, I came home already pleading to die. I gravely tired. Especially below the hips. I don't know why that happens but prior to fever, I feel extremely exhausted. Like I swam a kilometer using just my legs. Like sprinting 10 kilometers nonstop. Like playing flag football. Like playing badminton and lunging 1000 times. Like I wanna chop my legs off.

4 30 in the afternoon was the start of real hell. My head ached terribly. My arms and legs were amazingly cold. But from my core, to my neck, to my head, I was incinerating. I think the climax was around 6:00. I went into delirium. I went into those best times to die. It lasted for an hour. Then it subsided slightly for a while, I think because of medicine. But when I slept, hell visited again. I went into total delirium. everything looks like not real but real. I visualized many things. Very random. Oh and my scientific self worsened the situation. It made my headache really bad when, out of this delirium, I started analyzing everything what randomly I thought of.

So finally the medicine really took in effect and I felt it when I woke up. There was improvement. I still felt the same fatigue. I still felt the same pains, only scaled down drastically. But darn my sinus was and is still, very very heavy. You should have felt it, when you're close to vomiting because of phlegm, when the mucous you spit is stained with blood, when you're afraid of blowing hard outward on your nose, feeling that it will turn inside out. EEeeeeEEeeWWWwwWWwwwwWWWww

I declined going to school last Tuesday. And so I missed 2 exams: math and bio. Common scare is that, post quarters are a hell lot harder than all the long tests and periodic tests combined. But it's otherwise. I even thought of missing future tests for these no sweat exams! I'll tell you about that later.

Wednesday came. My fever aftershock fell on my edge: Physics. Really devastating. A supposed to be chicken feet turned out to be a whole farm of chickens. Because of this aftershock, my Physics prowess disappeared. I became confused. I wasn't able to concentrate. And Jesus-Christ-forsake-me I failed the exam. But surprisingly, my failed score wasn't that bad. The prowess deserted but common sense and logic prevailed. As a rule to myself: never guess without the heads unless time says s. All my guesses are intelligent guesses. Same for all tests. I look for clues. I estimate. I analyze other numbers, trying to find parallelism. If not getting the answer one-shot-dead-shot, then get artillery. Get it by other means using information. So my failing grade was still above 50%. Yesterday. Was when I sulked over these.

A grade of brain measure better, I answered our practice questions in physics yesterday. Oh God was it so chicken feet. By a miracle I regained my prowess and I felt my sharpness in understanding again. That's why I found out that the physics test was darn easy. the practice questions were almost the same as the ones in the test. OOOHHHHH!

Too late. But I really wasn't able to concentrate during the physics test. Lesson learned. Avoid rewards of long baths. So NOW, I'm still sick. Oh I remember, it's this morning that I took the math post quarter. Easy as whistling. It's 20 points in total and I am not sure of only 1 item. This was when I thought of missing future math periodic tests. But I'm not really gonna do that. I choose to do the right thing: not missing anything anymore.

So this is what happened. Next week was declared the early sembreak. Guess how long? 1 week. That's right. 1. Might as well just continue classes. But might as well be thankful, right? That's what I'm thinking. In that week I'm making sure that I won't miss the things that I like: my growing flavor and want for call of duty 4. In that week, officials and teachers will finally have the chance to regain themselves and unite together to lessen the head ache each will carry. In that week, is a time of hope and mending not grief.

With this short sembreak, I hope to change. No, I will change. I will no longer slouch over pressure. I'll minimize lazing in front of the computer. I'll arrange my time wisely. I'll prevent the bad past to happen again. I will change.